submitted by Stephanie

Children are content to amuse themselves with the sound a plastic cup makes when being pounded against the table, but the Best Parent Ever knows that only the most culturally unsophisticated children fail to participate in infant music classes. Though the average baby cannot possibly differentiate between spending a day on a primary-colored play mat surrounded by an array of musical instruments and spending the day on your own slightly stained carpet with a plastic measuring cup and an old plastic mixing spoon, the Best Parent Ever does not strive to raise the average baby. The Best Parent Ever knows that an exceptional child requires exceptional tools, programs and services designed to foster that all important sense of worth and self-esteem – in the Best Parent Ever.

While your child will be off spending her or his school years staring gape-jawed at mathematics tests and attempting to string together a poor excuse for a garage rock band, the Best Parent Ever’s child will be acing every math and science exam thanks to the hypothetical academic benefits of music instruction and will be a mere few years away from first chair in the orchestra. When musically gifted Jenny outsmarts musically neglected Johnny in a dark alley in another twenty years, the Best Parent Ever can rest assured that the hundred dollars spent on allowing their infant to haphazardly gum a miniature cymbal at six months old was money well spent.

So take that, timeworn kitchen-based implements of amusement! You may have entertained the Best Parent Ever when he or she was a child, but your shelf life has expired. After all, if it doesn’t cost money, how can it possibly jettison the child to the top of the infant playgroup?

To submit a BPE Guest Post, email bestparent@bestparentever.com.

For more “helpful” parenting tips, join the BPE Discussion Board!