A New Weekly Column by Ronin

So BPE, is having a baby. Now their life work truly begins: endless hours of research. Their infant’s very life hangs in the balance of every decision made, so ensuring they are up-to-date on all the most current information and trends is vital. From selecting the most qualified doctor, to feeding, clothing, diapering, sleeping, all the way down to how, how much and how long baby needs to be carried. BPE needs to conduct a full, broad-spectrum analysis and is always on the cutting edge.

The internet has now spawned a breed of super parent that is perpetually lost in a world of scientific journals, consumer reports, online support groups, various medical resources and message boards. Coupled with the tried-and-true parenting books, there is no nugget of intelligence that BPE won’t painstakingly dig up. Too bad the actual intellect to correctly interpret most of this data is lacking. So what we end up with instead is cultish groups of facthounds who collect snippets of data the same way their progeny collect Pokemon cards. Keep the shiny stuff, discard immediately anything that your friends will laugh at you for putting out there.

While BPE is burning a hole in the old library card checking out the entire child development section, non BPEs dwells in a place called ImagiNation. What a desolate place. It isn’t insulated with thousands of clippings and warmed by smug reassurances from idealistic cronies. Instead, these misguided souls actually rely a great deal on interactions with their children and base their actions on instinct and observation. Lazy suckers. They actually think their kids know better than Dr. Sears how many times a day they are hungry or whether or not they prefer to be worn around like this season’s Prada. Putting down the books and actually playing with this child they keep reading so much about is not an option. Well, unless at least 6 pediatricians recommend it. Then that can be pencilled in sometime between peanut-free, soy-free, gluten-free lunch and baby sign language lessons.

For more “helpful” parenting tips, join the BPE Discussion Board!