A New Weekly Column by Ronin
Baby’s firsts are precious to parents. Their first smile, first tooth, first step, first word. It’s enough to melt any parent’s heart. Waiting for these milestones can be torture because you never know when they’re going to happen. Unless you’re the Best Parent Ever. BPE can tell you, just by a glance at one of many charts, exactly when your baby’s smile changes from meaning “I farted.” to “I love you.” Your baby isn’t grasping objects at >>>> months? Tsk, tsk, tsk.
According to Bestie’s chart, you’re not doing enough to make sure your baby is making the deadline. How are they ever going to move on to something more advanced like crawling or Cantonese?
The Itinerary of Advancement is something that BPE spends a great deal of time honing and monitoring. Measuring their baby’s progress against an assortment of expert graphs occupies their entire existence through Kindergarten. Not walking by 1 year? Physical therapy. Not talking by 1 year? Speech therapy.
Only parents that love their kids the most will subject them to rigorous and regular sessions with professional strangers who will do exactly what nature intended to do anyway if given enough time. BPE can’t wait though. They’ve got a schedule — and a reputation — to maintain.
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